“Do you smell that?”—these are the first words I remember Savannah saying to me the minute we stepped into the castle at Capernwray Hall on September 26th, 2009…the place I would be spending my next 6 months. “It just smells old and musty,” I remember saying.
“That’s the smell of Capernwray.” She said with a smile, thinking about her 6 months spent here 3 years ago. I didn’t understand then.
I remember the week leading up to my departure. I remember that “Shadow of the Day” by Linkin Park was playing over and over again in my head. “I close both locks below the window/I close both blinds and turn away/sometimes solutions aren’t so simple/sometimes goodbye’s the only way….pink cards and flowers on your window/your friends all plead for you to stay/sometimes beginnings aren’t so simple/sometimes goodbye’s the only way…”
I remember what I was thinking as I lay in bed the night before I embarked on this journey. I remember raw excitement for the unknown. I remember thinking that before this, the longest I’d been away from home was 2 weeks spent at camp in Colorado. I remember the striking realization that this WAS, in fact, the last time I would sleep in my bed for the next 6 ½ months…I wouldn’t be able to run home if things got hard or I got homesick. I remember the weight of responsibilities I’d never felt. I remember the paralyzing fear of, “I’m still just a kid…how am I going to survive in a country and continent where I didn’t know a single soul. I still haven’t figured out what cord I use to plug into wireless internet…who will be there to answer my questions?” I don’t think I’ll ever forget that night.
I remember my first week at Capernwray. I remember how strange it was being in a country where I didn’t know a single person. How strange it was going from my own bedroom to having 5 roommates. I remember feeling like that one week lasted a month. Everyone was rushing to try to meet everyone…the people we’d be sharing our next 6 months with.
I look back now and see how much I’ve experienced, how much I’ve grown, and how much God has shown me. I sat through 6 hours of intensive lectures a day. I read through the entire Bible. I learned so much about the Holy Spirit, evangelism, the end times, the Old Testament, and so much more. I’ve seen true passion for Christ in those around me. I’ve learned that distractions are everywhere, and spending time with God is something you have to make a conscious effort to do. I’ve seen God’s faithfulness, provision and protection starting with getting me over there. Looking back, I can honestly say that apart from accepting Christ as my Savior, going to Capernwray was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Sure, it’s great being back in our country…with food that has FLAVOR, scented deodorant, my own car, cinnamon toothpaste, ice cubes, etc…but I miss the simplicity. The sheep. The ruins. The raw beauty of creation. The complete dependence on God. I even find myself almost missing the things that annoyed me while there…the obsession with tea, the potatoes at what seemed like every meal, the burnt veggie burgers, the frosted hot dog buns for dessert, fish and chips, silent dinner, work day, the forbidden ornamental lawn, the million stairs to the tower, the announcement bell, the SLOW internet, LEFTOVER NIGHT! Okay…so I ALMOST miss those things…
Honestly, it is really hard to adjust to being back here. Life is just the same as when I left it…but I’m not the same as when I left. It’s so hard to go back to doing the same things I was doing before I left. I don’t want to shrink back into the same life. I was stretched over there. It’s hard to go from calling taxis when you want to go out…from analyzing every word of Ezra for a project…from buying phone cards for my once-a-week phone call with my family…from converting pounds and pence and euros to dollars…from taking weekend trips to Scotland…from booking flights and hostels and train tickets for foreign countries…from being forced to find our way on the metro to our hostel…to come back and have my biggest challenges be getting to work on time and having money to buy gas for the car. I’m not being stretched anymore…and now that I know what I’m capable of, I realize how easy I have it over here. Which is definitely a blessing, don’t get me wrong. But now that I know what else is out there…I long to have it back.
I recently came across something I wrote in Heathrow Airport the day I was going to fly home. I’d like to share it with you…
“26th March 2010 Heathrow, London
Here I am…I sit in a corner of the flurried airport with the past 6 months packed beside me. Is this journey really ending? I don’t know what to feel. I do feel alone. This is one of the first times in the past 6 months that I haven’t had to socialize…that I can look around and not recognize anyone. Where these past months a dream? A living sleepwalk? And how will I adjust to the real world now that I’m being forced to wake up? When will the memories start to fade? This feels like old age, wondering what will go first…the names? The faces? The inside jokes? I’m leaving this country behind. ‘Let’s go do this!’ has turned into, ‘Remember when…’ I cringe to think of the 160 of us on opposite corners of the world, living lives no longer involving the rest of us. Yes, life will continue for all of us. But a sliver of a castle wall is pricking each of our hearts and we will remember.”
I remember the day I received my travel backpack, which had been left at school and then lost while being shipped to my hotel in London. It arrived at my doorstep a few weeks after the end of school. I remember burying my face in each article of clothing I pulled out. I remember holding a sweatshirt under my younger sister’s nose and saying, “Do you smell that?” “It smells musty,” she said.
“That’s the smell of Capernwray,” I said with a smile. Now I understand.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
I got chills///they're multiplyin'
...mostly just because today is a chilly, gray, rainy day. Just the kind I like. It feels like spring is coming...the air is crisp and fresh. :)
I haven't blogged in a while. I'll make it my New Years Resolution to get better at this.
I don't really have much to say...what do you want to hear?
This week we have 2 tests. One tonight on 1 Corinthians and one on Thursday night on the Personal Evangelism series we did. That should be interesting...
This past weekend most of the outreach teams visited the churches they will be doing their outreach at. In case I haven't told you:: everyone was assigned to a team and a church where we will do a 10-day outreach at the end of February/beginning of March. It's basically a missions trip and teams are going as far as Scotland and Wales. My team consists of 3 girls and we are going to Morecambe, which is the seaside town about 25 minutes away. It is really beautiful and reminds me of Duluth, which I love. This past weekend we just went to meet the church/leaders and get acquainted with the area and find out what the plan is for our 10-day outreach.
I'll tell about my weekend:
we were picked up by the pastor of the church on Friday night around 6:15pm and went straight to our host family's house. All three of us girls are staying at the same house, which is right on the sea! :) The church was having a 24 hour prayer meeting, so at like 7:30pm we went to that and stayed until 6am! I was up until 4:45am and then dozed for about 45 minutes and was awake until the end then. We got back to the host house and to bed at like 6:30am Saturday morning. It was a really cool experience! We slept until noon, then went on a long walk along the Promenade and stopped at a smoothie shop, which made me super happy! Walked back and then had a dinner with the church leaders and their families. The food was delicious: homemade soup, ratatouille, cheesecake, lemon-lime cake, and ice cream! I can tell we are going to be fed better at our outreach than we are here at Capernwray! HAHA
After the meal we all discussed the program for outreach then went back to the house. On Sunday morning we went to their church service and introduced ourself to the church (which only had about 25 people in it!). After that we went to the church's outreach building, called West End Impact, where they have a drop-in session for the homeless every Sunday. We made soup and sandwiches and served the homeless/talked with them. It was cool and reminded me of UGM. After that, we went back to Capernwray.
It was a great weekend! If you could be praying for us as we are planning programs/testimonies/games/etc. for the outreach, that would be great. Also be praying for Morecambe...it is a rough, dark town and we must pray for the people, as well as for West End Impact.
I hope this has all made sense...i'm really tired right now and the weather makes me feel kinda out of it. :)
Love and miss you all! Can't believe I'll be home in less than 2 months!
How can it be February already??
I haven't blogged in a while. I'll make it my New Years Resolution to get better at this.
I don't really have much to say...what do you want to hear?
This week we have 2 tests. One tonight on 1 Corinthians and one on Thursday night on the Personal Evangelism series we did. That should be interesting...
This past weekend most of the outreach teams visited the churches they will be doing their outreach at. In case I haven't told you:: everyone was assigned to a team and a church where we will do a 10-day outreach at the end of February/beginning of March. It's basically a missions trip and teams are going as far as Scotland and Wales. My team consists of 3 girls and we are going to Morecambe, which is the seaside town about 25 minutes away. It is really beautiful and reminds me of Duluth, which I love. This past weekend we just went to meet the church/leaders and get acquainted with the area and find out what the plan is for our 10-day outreach.
I'll tell about my weekend:
we were picked up by the pastor of the church on Friday night around 6:15pm and went straight to our host family's house. All three of us girls are staying at the same house, which is right on the sea! :) The church was having a 24 hour prayer meeting, so at like 7:30pm we went to that and stayed until 6am! I was up until 4:45am and then dozed for about 45 minutes and was awake until the end then. We got back to the host house and to bed at like 6:30am Saturday morning. It was a really cool experience! We slept until noon, then went on a long walk along the Promenade and stopped at a smoothie shop, which made me super happy! Walked back and then had a dinner with the church leaders and their families. The food was delicious: homemade soup, ratatouille, cheesecake, lemon-lime cake, and ice cream! I can tell we are going to be fed better at our outreach than we are here at Capernwray! HAHA
After the meal we all discussed the program for outreach then went back to the house. On Sunday morning we went to their church service and introduced ourself to the church (which only had about 25 people in it!). After that we went to the church's outreach building, called West End Impact, where they have a drop-in session for the homeless every Sunday. We made soup and sandwiches and served the homeless/talked with them. It was cool and reminded me of UGM. After that, we went back to Capernwray.
It was a great weekend! If you could be praying for us as we are planning programs/testimonies/games/etc. for the outreach, that would be great. Also be praying for Morecambe...it is a rough, dark town and we must pray for the people, as well as for West End Impact.
I hope this has all made sense...i'm really tired right now and the weather makes me feel kinda out of it. :)
Love and miss you all! Can't believe I'll be home in less than 2 months!
How can it be February already??
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Oh, Damien, the pig sheep, protector of the student body...you will be missed. JUST KIDDING!
Hullo. mome nome eez sarai. sidekeek: jenna.
So there's this sheep, right? And it got in a fight as a lamb and accidentally got it's face, well...smashed in. It looks like a pig and makes weird grunty noises and has had pneumonia for like 2 years or something. His name is Damien, the pig sheep. A couple weeks ago, Damien was overtaken by the cold of winter. Yes, he died. Damien passed away.
Yesterday, we had a memorial service for Damien. At least half of the student body crammed into the lounge, many wearing black. Some of the guys wearing suits and ties. We shared memories of Damien, the farmer shared stories about poor Damien's pathetic life, we had a slideshow of Damien, and 3 students wrote and performed a song about Damien. It actually almost made me miss him...even though he chased me once.
Damien, our pig sheep mascot is gone.
But his legacy lives on.
Goodbye, Damien.
oink oink.
So there's this sheep, right? And it got in a fight as a lamb and accidentally got it's face, well...smashed in. It looks like a pig and makes weird grunty noises and has had pneumonia for like 2 years or something. His name is Damien, the pig sheep. A couple weeks ago, Damien was overtaken by the cold of winter. Yes, he died. Damien passed away.
Yesterday, we had a memorial service for Damien. At least half of the student body crammed into the lounge, many wearing black. Some of the guys wearing suits and ties. We shared memories of Damien, the farmer shared stories about poor Damien's pathetic life, we had a slideshow of Damien, and 3 students wrote and performed a song about Damien. It actually almost made me miss him...even though he chased me once.
Damien, our pig sheep mascot is gone.
But his legacy lives on.
Goodbye, Damien.
oink oink.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Oh, how you make me laugh!
Hey, so I had quite funny adventures yesterday, and since it's healthy to laugh, I thought I'd share my day with you!
After work, we found out there would be a bus taking us staff to Carnforth if we wanted to go. They said we could then catch a train to Lancaster (a bigger city than Carnforth...lots more to do) if we wanted to. So we took the bus at 1:30 to Carnforth and 5 of us decided to go to Lancaster. We got cheap tickets and 2 girls, 2 guys and I got on the train. . .
We had been going for a couple minutes and no one checked our tickets, so we had a quick conversation about, "Wow...we probably could have just gotten on without paying, if they don't even check the tickets. we would never do that, though..." About a minute later, the train stops. After a couple minutes of being stopped, we started to go again and a voice came over the loudspeaker saying that they had to deal with trespassers on the train, and we found out that the fine for that is 1,000 pounds!!! Oyyy.
Well, we got to Lancaster and started walking toward the city centre. The guys were in front of us and one of them slipped on the ice and totally fell!!! He wasn't hurt, so we could laugh about it. :) I shared with them that I had already run into a wall that day, so it's okay.
We did our shopping in Lancaster and on our way back to the train station, we saw this big, black guy pushing a huge cart down the sidewalk and we were like, "Huh...weird." But then, he started staring at Jess (a girl in our group) and he totally ran the cart into an old lady! She started swearing at him and getting all mad and he's trying to apologize. We quickly exit the scene and after about 5 steps, Jess runs straight into this pole sticking out of the ground!
After making it safely to the train station, we walked to our platform, turned a corner and i ran directly into a vending machine! I gasped and turned around to see aton of people waiting for the train and some of them were looking at me. *super awkward*
Eventually, we made it back to Carnforth and were waiting in the train station for the bus to come get us. One of the guys who worked there came up and asked us not to talk because we were being too loud. So we decided to go wait outside. I saw the bus driving up, but didn't know who the driver was, so I went up to the nearest girl and said, "Do you know that guy's name?" She turned around and it WASN'T someone from our group, like I thought it was...it was a random schoolgirl with a backpack. HAHA She just looked at me and walked away.
The slight disasters and awkward moments pretty much continued into that night, but that should give you the point. :)
have a happy day.
After work, we found out there would be a bus taking us staff to Carnforth if we wanted to go. They said we could then catch a train to Lancaster (a bigger city than Carnforth...lots more to do) if we wanted to. So we took the bus at 1:30 to Carnforth and 5 of us decided to go to Lancaster. We got cheap tickets and 2 girls, 2 guys and I got on the train. . .
We had been going for a couple minutes and no one checked our tickets, so we had a quick conversation about, "Wow...we probably could have just gotten on without paying, if they don't even check the tickets. we would never do that, though..." About a minute later, the train stops. After a couple minutes of being stopped, we started to go again and a voice came over the loudspeaker saying that they had to deal with trespassers on the train, and we found out that the fine for that is 1,000 pounds!!! Oyyy.
Well, we got to Lancaster and started walking toward the city centre. The guys were in front of us and one of them slipped on the ice and totally fell!!! He wasn't hurt, so we could laugh about it. :) I shared with them that I had already run into a wall that day, so it's okay.
We did our shopping in Lancaster and on our way back to the train station, we saw this big, black guy pushing a huge cart down the sidewalk and we were like, "Huh...weird." But then, he started staring at Jess (a girl in our group) and he totally ran the cart into an old lady! She started swearing at him and getting all mad and he's trying to apologize. We quickly exit the scene and after about 5 steps, Jess runs straight into this pole sticking out of the ground!
After making it safely to the train station, we walked to our platform, turned a corner and i ran directly into a vending machine! I gasped and turned around to see aton of people waiting for the train and some of them were looking at me. *super awkward*
Eventually, we made it back to Carnforth and were waiting in the train station for the bus to come get us. One of the guys who worked there came up and asked us not to talk because we were being too loud. So we decided to go wait outside. I saw the bus driving up, but didn't know who the driver was, so I went up to the nearest girl and said, "Do you know that guy's name?" She turned around and it WASN'T someone from our group, like I thought it was...it was a random schoolgirl with a backpack. HAHA She just looked at me and walked away.
The slight disasters and awkward moments pretty much continued into that night, but that should give you the point. :)
have a happy day.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
2009 is almost done...
...how crazy is that? How crazy is it that I'm spending the last months of this year and the first months of 2010 in England? Let me tell you about my day...
Slept through my alarm and got up at 7:36am. Showered and got ready and missed breakfast. Got to the dining hall for work at 8:20am. (Thankfully there was leftover fruit!) Worked from 8:30am-2:15pm. (stopping for staff break and lunch)
For free time, I checked email quickly then got ready to go for a walk/jog. I wore leggings under shorts and a short sleeve shirt. I thought it would be okay because i would just get hot after jogging. Well...i began and was pretty cold, but kept going. After about 5 minutes, my hands and arms were completely numb and turning bright red. It felt like wind burn because there was a super cold wind. I kept going and what happens? IT STARTS TO SNOW!!!!! Yeah, that's how cold it was. But I was kinda in a zone, thinking three things:
1. I can't believe how cool this is that I'm in England.
2. I feel like I could just run across all of England right now and just go home.
3. I'm sure it will stop snowing soon.
Smart choice. NOT. But, I don't know...I was in an overly enthusiastic/desperately homesick zone, so I kept going. I was on a road by train tracks, passing stone houses, sheep fields, horses, etc. Well, the snow just got heavier to the point that i had to squint to see where I was going, and I couldn't see very far because it was so white! I was SOOOO cold that i put my arms inside my shirt (which must have looked super dorky) and kept going. Eventually I turned around and the snow trickled down to a few blowing flakes. But it was so strange to look over the vast fields and hills that were green when I began my walk, and now looked frosted!
I made it back to school, with very numb and red arms and legs and took a hot shower. :)
I worked it out that I had gone about 4 miles...only about one mile of that was i actually jogging.
Oh well, it still felt good!
I helped serve a fancy dinner for the guests and then washed the dishes until 8:30pm. Now a couple of us are planning on doing an all-nighter (not gonna happen...) by watching movies and playing games and whatever. I know school is having a celidh (Scottish dance) at 12:30am, then refreshments at 1:30am. So...it'll be a fun night. Deborah and I sneaked some shortbread at coffee break, so we have some sugar for later. HAHA
Happy new year, everyone!
It is amazing to think over all that has happened to me this past year! But that's a whole other post... ;) I'll write about it later.
Comment if you read this. hehe
miss you all!~
Slept through my alarm and got up at 7:36am. Showered and got ready and missed breakfast. Got to the dining hall for work at 8:20am. (Thankfully there was leftover fruit!) Worked from 8:30am-2:15pm. (stopping for staff break and lunch)
For free time, I checked email quickly then got ready to go for a walk/jog. I wore leggings under shorts and a short sleeve shirt. I thought it would be okay because i would just get hot after jogging. Well...i began and was pretty cold, but kept going. After about 5 minutes, my hands and arms were completely numb and turning bright red. It felt like wind burn because there was a super cold wind. I kept going and what happens? IT STARTS TO SNOW!!!!! Yeah, that's how cold it was. But I was kinda in a zone, thinking three things:
1. I can't believe how cool this is that I'm in England.
2. I feel like I could just run across all of England right now and just go home.
3. I'm sure it will stop snowing soon.
Smart choice. NOT. But, I don't know...I was in an overly enthusiastic/desperately homesick zone, so I kept going. I was on a road by train tracks, passing stone houses, sheep fields, horses, etc. Well, the snow just got heavier to the point that i had to squint to see where I was going, and I couldn't see very far because it was so white! I was SOOOO cold that i put my arms inside my shirt (which must have looked super dorky) and kept going. Eventually I turned around and the snow trickled down to a few blowing flakes. But it was so strange to look over the vast fields and hills that were green when I began my walk, and now looked frosted!
I made it back to school, with very numb and red arms and legs and took a hot shower. :)
I worked it out that I had gone about 4 miles...only about one mile of that was i actually jogging.
Oh well, it still felt good!
I helped serve a fancy dinner for the guests and then washed the dishes until 8:30pm. Now a couple of us are planning on doing an all-nighter (not gonna happen...) by watching movies and playing games and whatever. I know school is having a celidh (Scottish dance) at 12:30am, then refreshments at 1:30am. So...it'll be a fun night. Deborah and I sneaked some shortbread at coffee break, so we have some sugar for later. HAHA
Happy new year, everyone!
It is amazing to think over all that has happened to me this past year! But that's a whole other post... ;) I'll write about it later.
Comment if you read this. hehe
miss you all!~
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
WORK it out.
Yesterday I came back to school, where I will work for the rest of break. They have two different groups of guests come...one group over Christmas and one over New Years. Yesterday the first group left and the second came, so I worked in housekeeping in the morning...cleaning all the rooms to get them ready for the new guests. Then at night I worked in the kitchen, where I will be for the rest of the time. I'm going to give you a quick outline of today (which is pretty much what each day will look like):
7am-wake up and shower
8am-staff breakfast for us
8:30-guest breakfast, during this time I am doing the dishes from staff breakfast and then guest dishes...there are 3 of us on the team, so we are doing breakfast dishes from 8:30-10am.
10am-staff break
10:30-12--cleaning up dishes from staff break/scrubbing the floor/cleaning refrigerator
12pm-staff lunch
1pm-guest lunch
1-2:15ish-cleaning up from lunch
**break from 2:15 until dinner at 5pm**
then dishes from 5:30-at least 8pm.
It is so exhausting being on my feet for so long! But, I would rather be doing the dishes than cleaning, I think. So it's all good. Just tiring. I'm ready to collapse after lunch, but that's when I have to get stuff done or go see Josh, so I don't usually take naps.
Oh well...it's been good getting to know the staff and the students here more! Plus, I have 5 new roommates for this time, so that's fun.
Yep, so that's what i'll be doing until January 9th!
7am-wake up and shower
8am-staff breakfast for us
8:30-guest breakfast, during this time I am doing the dishes from staff breakfast and then guest dishes...there are 3 of us on the team, so we are doing breakfast dishes from 8:30-10am.
10am-staff break
10:30-12--cleaning up dishes from staff break/scrubbing the floor/cleaning refrigerator
12pm-staff lunch
1pm-guest lunch
1-2:15ish-cleaning up from lunch
**break from 2:15 until dinner at 5pm**
then dishes from 5:30-at least 8pm.
It is so exhausting being on my feet for so long! But, I would rather be doing the dishes than cleaning, I think. So it's all good. Just tiring. I'm ready to collapse after lunch, but that's when I have to get stuff done or go see Josh, so I don't usually take naps.
Oh well...it's been good getting to know the staff and the students here more! Plus, I have 5 new roommates for this time, so that's fun.
Yep, so that's what i'll be doing until January 9th!
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Christmas Eve Eve
I can't even believe how fast time is going! It seems like I just started school here and now first term is done and tomorrow is Christmas Eve! School ended on the 18th and on the 19th I came over to Josh's house, where I'm staying for the first 10 days of break. His family is SO sweet and i can't tell you how nice it has been to be in a real home with a family and have my own room as opposed to socializing 24/7 in a room with 5 roommates. It has been great so far!
Today Josh and I and his Aunt drove to Morecambe, which is on the coast, but only like 20 minutes away. It was an adorable little town! I LOVED it. It actually reminded me a lot of Duluth, with the little shops and walks along the water and creepy seagulls. haha We stopped at the Midland Hotel for drinks. They got coffee and I got water...with ICE!!! it was pretty exciting. :)
Then we drove to Boatley Sands (another little town) and got lunch at a pub where Josh used to work. His aunt and I split a veggie burger and chips (fries). Super delicious.
We came home and Josh and I wrapped presents and now he is having "man time" (aka: listening to Harry Potter in his room while he draws) and I can catch up on my blog! hehe
Hope you are all having a great Christmas season! I miss you all.
<3 sarai
Today Josh and I and his Aunt drove to Morecambe, which is on the coast, but only like 20 minutes away. It was an adorable little town! I LOVED it. It actually reminded me a lot of Duluth, with the little shops and walks along the water and creepy seagulls. haha We stopped at the Midland Hotel for drinks. They got coffee and I got water...with ICE!!! it was pretty exciting. :)
Then we drove to Boatley Sands (another little town) and got lunch at a pub where Josh used to work. His aunt and I split a veggie burger and chips (fries). Super delicious.
We came home and Josh and I wrapped presents and now he is having "man time" (aka: listening to Harry Potter in his room while he draws) and I can catch up on my blog! hehe
Hope you are all having a great Christmas season! I miss you all.
<3 sarai
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